I read many books regarding how parents can raise and behave to their children, but this book caught my attention, because it differentiates between punishment and discipline and especially because it is based on the attachment theory.
All parents love their children and want the best for them, but while trying to set boundaries and eliminate unwanted behaviors, being exhausted form everyday life, make mistakes and miss the appropriate way to say things.
This is not an “easy” book, since it is addressed to the responsible parent who has realized, that if he/she wants his/her child to change, he/she must change first. It’s a well written and complete book.
The first part, is about how to build a healthy relationship with your child, with specific examples, with dos and don’ts. It refers to the crucial issue of two way communication and that of respect to the child from day one. For example, in relation to the acknowledgement of emotions and their acceptance: instead of saying: “Don’t worry. There is no reason to be scared”, accept it by saying: “You worry that’s why you’re scared”, or “Don’t feel sorry for what happened. It’s not your fault”, you could phrase it “You feel discouraged now, hm?” Keep in mind that children will open up, if their given space and attention.
By reading this book, you will learn how to manage the child in a public place, how to get them to sit in the sea, even the role that birth order plays, different child learning types, the differences due to gender and the importance of forgiveness. In short, it covers almost all the issues that concern you in relation with your children and that would cover many pages to name them all.
In the second part, you will find useful tools and advices depending on the child’s age and developmental stage. Five key points for effective discipline:
- We teach the child, we don’t’ hurt him/her
- We say “no”, and we mean it, we don’t retract
- We search for the need or the emotion behind the behavior
- We separate our anger from discipline
- We become the person we want our child to become
«The only area in which absolute consistency is required is love, attention, care and warmth that you give to your child. In other words, the unconditional love and limits. This consistency is easy to achieve. Most parents spontaneously develop or learn to conquer it».
Concluding, it’s a good book because it does not imposes ‘must’ or and rigid ideas, instead focuses on the essence of the relationship, which is for life and gives the opportunity to all parents, to be more flexible and stress free, and thus be more human and effective.